Whoopi Goldberg’s own explanation is that marriage asks for a sustained emotional and practical investment she does not want to make. She has said she does not want responsibility for a partner’s feelings, shared decision-making, shared money, or the constant give-and-take that she believes a close partnership requires. She has also said that social expectations pushed her to keep trying marriage even though she never wanted it for herself. These are her reasons for her own life, not a general verdict on marriage.
Emotional investment in a spouse
The clearest statement comes from her May 2024 appearance on Who’s Talking to Chris Wallace?, as reported by Parade. Parade’s account is a secondary summary, and the original program transcript was not checked, so the wording below is as the publication reproduced it.
- On the core problem: “I don’t care how you feel. It’s terrible.”
- On what marriage requires: “You know, when you’re married to somebody, you have to be invested in how they’re feeling.”
- On where she prefers to put her attention: “I’m invested in my kid. I’m invested in her kids. I’m invested in my son-in-law. I’m invested in my friends.”
The contrast is the point. Goldberg is not saying she lacks care for people. She is saying she is comfortable investing in her daughter, grandchildren, son-in-law and friends, and does not want to take on a spouse’s inner life as a standing obligation.
Shared decisions, money and the work of a relationship
Goldberg has described commitment as requiring two people to ask for each other’s opinions, listen, and work problems out together. She has said she does not want that arrangement, and that she does not want to share money.
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In 2015, discussing her relationship book, she described relationships as requiring a “day to day, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day give and take,” and added: “I’m not interested in that. I don’t want to do it.” That quotation is from her 2015 interview as reproduced by The Washington Post.
Social expectations
Goldberg has also said that she kept trying to find a boyfriend and get married because that was what was expected, not because she wanted it. She has said she did not want to share information about herself or make another person feel better as a matter of duty.
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In remarks reported from a 2019 New York Times Magazine interview, she put it this way: “I tried marriage, and it wasn’t for me. You can’t be in a marriage because everybody’s expecting you to.”
The Independent reports that she said she felt happy to leave each marriage, and that she had continued because she was doing what people said she was supposed to do. That account is useful for context, but her clearer statements are about emotional effort and conformity rather than the exits themselves.
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Privacy and living alone
Goldberg has described living alone as preferable to marriage. She has said she does not want a forever partner and does not want someone living in her home. For her, the appeal is less about avoiding love than about keeping her daily life and home to herself.
Her marriage history
Goldberg was married three times. The dates below are those reported by Parade and, for the last two marriages, The Independent, which gives the same ranges. They are press-reported dates, not official records.
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| Spouse | Reported years of marriage | Notes from reporting |
|---|---|---|
| Alvin Martin | 1973–1979 | Parade reports their daughter is Alex Martin. |
| David Claessen | 1986–1988 | Parade describes him as a Dutch cinematographer. |
| Lyle Trachtenberg | 1994–1995 | Dates reported by Parade and The Independent. |
How to read her remarks
Her statements come from different years and different formats, and they are not all first-hand transcripts. The 2024 comments are secondhand through Parade. The 2015 comments are reproduced by The Washington Post. The 2019 comments are quoted as reported from a New York Times Magazine interview. Read together, they show a consistent position: she does not want the day-to-day obligations of marriage, and she sees her decision as personal.
Her 2015 remarks also included advice that people should know where their own “line of demarcation” is and watch for red flags in relationships. That is the nearest she comes to advice for others, and it is framed as a personal boundary rather than a rule.
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Her relationship book, If Someone Says “You Complete Me,” Run!: Whoopi’s Big Book of Relationships, covers similar ground, including why marriage is not for everyone and how being alone can be satisfying, according to The Washington Post. It is the most complete place to read her broader view, though this article draws only on the excerpts and reporting described above.
Goldberg has not, in the reporting cited here, claimed that marriage fails for other people, or that her experience describes every relationship.
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