Ask directly, calmly and without judgment: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Asking does not plant the idea or increase suicidal behavior, according to the U.S. National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and the World Health Organization (WHO). Listen to the answer, acknowledge the person’s pain, and offer to stay while you connect them with trusted or professional help. If danger may be immediate, do not leave them alone; contact local emergency or crisis services and involve qualified support.
Decide how urgent the situation may be
You do not need to perform a clinical risk assessment to respond responsibly. Warning signs are not a complete assessment, and the NIMH suicide FAQ advises taking concerning statements or behavior seriously and seeking appropriate help. The practical decision is whether you can begin a supportive conversation and connection, or whether possible immediate danger requires urgent intervention.
| What you observe | What to do |
|---|---|
| You are worried, but there is no indication that danger is immediate. | Choose a private moment, ask directly, listen, and help the person contact a trusted person, health professional or crisis service. Offer to remain with them during that step. |
| You think the person could be in immediate danger. | Stay with them, contact local emergency services or a crisis line, involve a health worker or trusted support person, and seek qualified help. Do not wait for an ideal conversation setting. |
When you are uncertain, explain your concern to a crisis service or health professional and ask what to do next. A general communication guide cannot replace professional support. If the person has described a current intention, has access to something they could use to hurt themselves, cannot agree to stay safe, or is already injured, treat the situation as urgent and follow local emergency procedures.
Why asking about suicide is safe and necessary
Fear of mentioning suicide often comes from the myth that a direct question will introduce the idea. Evidence-based public guidance says the opposite. NIMH states that studies show asking whether someone is suicidal does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts. WHO likewise says it is acceptable to talk about suicide. A clear question can give a distressed person permission to describe what is happening instead of hiding it.
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Use ordinary, unambiguous words. NIMH suggests, “Are you thinking about suicide?” Its FAQ also gives the more explicit wording, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” Choose language that you can say calmly and that the person will understand. Avoid euphemisms that could make the question unclear.
Prepare the conversation
Choose privacy and enough time
When circumstances allow, find a quiet, private place and a moment when neither of you has to rush. WHO recommends an appropriate time and quiet setting. Privacy should make it easier to speak, not become a reason to delay action.
Put safety ahead of perfect conditions
If the person appears to be in immediate danger, do not postpone help while looking for the right room, wording or time. Stay with them and begin contacting urgent support. A calm voice and simple sentences are more useful than a polished speech.
Regulate your own reaction
Before you begin, take a breath and remind yourself that your role is to listen and connect help, not to solve the person’s entire life. Shock, anger or panic can make someone feel judged and less willing to talk.
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A step-by-step conversation
1. Name what you have noticed and your care
Start with an observation rather than an accusation. For example: “I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed, and I care about you.” This gives context for the question without assigning blame or claiming to know exactly what the person feels.
2. Ask directly
Follow with a plain question: “Are you thinking about suicide?” If you need to be even more explicit, ask, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” Then stop talking. A direct question is not a dare, a challenge or a suggestion; it is an invitation to tell the truth.
3. Give the person room to answer
Allow silence. Do not rush to fill it or turn the exchange into an interrogation. If the person says yes, says they are unsure, or describes thoughts that concern you, thank them for telling you and keep listening. If they say no but your concern remains, explain what prompted you to ask and encourage connection with support rather than arguing about the answer.
4. Listen for meaning, not an opportunity to debate
Reflect what you hear in neutral language: “It sounds as though things have become unbearable.” Acknowledging pain does not mean endorsing suicide. It shows that you are taking the person seriously enough to understand their experience.
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5. Offer presence and a concrete next step
Move from reassurance to action: “Would you like me to stay while we call someone you trust or a professional?” Ask what kind of support would feel possible. You can offer to make the call or send the message together, accompany the person, or remain present while they connect.
6. Escalate when danger may be immediate
If you believe the person may be in immediate danger, say that you care and need to involve urgent help. Stay with them, contact local emergency services or a crisis line, and involve a health worker or trusted support person. Follow the instructions of qualified responders.
7. Keep contact afterward
Follow-up is one of NIMH’s five recommended actions. Contact the person again, help them remain connected to professional or community support, and ask whether the agreed connection happened. Continued contact can reduce isolation after the initial conversation.
How to respond to different answers
If they say yes
Thank them for trusting you and keep your tone steady. Ask what support would help right now, then move toward a crisis counselor, health professional or trusted person. Do not leave them alone if danger may be immediate. You do not have to extract every detail or decide the level of risk yourself; qualified help can guide the next steps.
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Uncertainty still deserves attention. Say that you are glad they told you and ask whether you can stay while you contact support. A person who is ambivalent may have difficulty asking for help, so practical company can matter more than a long explanation.
If they say no
Accept the answer without cross-examining them, while explaining the behavior or words that worried you. You can say, “I’m relieved to hear that, and I still want to help because you seem to be hurting.” Encourage a professional or trusted-person connection if the concern continues. If new information suggests immediate danger, seek urgent guidance even if the person previously said no.
If they become angry or end the conversation
Do not argue or threaten. Briefly restate that you care and that help is available. If you believe there is immediate danger, keep trying to involve local emergency or crisis support and provide the person’s location and relevant information to responders.
Words that reduce stigma
Stigma can make people fear judgment and avoid help. WHO identifies fear of stigmatization and judgment as a major barrier to help-seeking, and says that thinking about suicide is not a weakness or something to feel guilty about. Speak to the person as someone in distress who deserves care, not as manipulative, weak or blameworthy.
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| Use | Why it helps |
|---|---|
| “Are you thinking about suicide?” | It is direct and leaves little room for misunderstanding. |
| “I’m glad you told me.” | It acknowledges the disclosure without judgment. |
| “I’m here to listen.” | It signals attention rather than an argument or lecture. |
| “Would you like me to stay while we find help?” | It offers practical company and a next step. |
Do not debate whether suicide is right or wrong, lecture about the value of life, act shocked, dare the person, minimize the pain, or offer glib reassurance such as “Everything will be fine.” Those responses can shut down an honest conversation even when they are intended to help.
Do not promise secrecy
If someone’s safety may be at stake, do not agree to keep the disclosure secret. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline advises not being sworn to secrecy, and WHO advises seeking help from others when someone has talked about suicide.
Explain the boundary before taking action: “I care about you, and I can’t keep a safety concern secret. I will stay with you while we involve the right help.” Share information only with people who can contribute to safety, such as a trusted support person, health professional, crisis counselor or emergency responder.
What to do when immediate danger is possible
Stay with the person
Do not leave someone alone when you think danger may be immediate. If you are speaking by phone or text, keep the connection while arranging in-person or professional help when possible. Tell the person what you are doing so that contacting help does not feel like a sudden betrayal.
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Contact urgent support
Call local emergency services or a crisis service and describe the situation plainly. Include that you are concerned about possible suicide risk, where the person is, and whether you can remain with them. Involve a health worker or trusted support person rather than trying to manage the crisis alone.
Reduce access to things that could be used for self-harm when possible
WHO first-responder guidance advises reducing access to potentially harmful items when this can be done safely, while seeking specialist help. Do not put yourself in danger or attempt a physical intervention you are not trained to provide. Let qualified responders direct safety measures.
Use the person’s location and local procedures
Emergency numbers and crisis systems differ by country. Do not assume that a U.S. number or routing procedure works worldwide. If you are unsure which service to call, a local crisis line, emergency service or health professional can direct you. The WHO first-responder document published in 2019 is supplementary guidance for responders, not a replacement for current local procedures.
Connecting with crisis and professional support
For people in the United States
NIMH recommends the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for people in the United States. Call or text 988 to reach the service. If danger is immediate, contact local emergency services as well. You can offer to make the 988 call or send the text with the person and stay nearby while they speak with a counselor.
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For people elsewhere
Use your country’s local emergency number or crisis service, and check authoritative local health-service information for the correct contact. Do not copy 988 into another country’s emergency plan.
Make the connection collaborative
Ask what support feels acceptable: a family member, friend, doctor, therapist, community service or crisis counselor. If the person agrees, help with the practical step—finding the number, composing a message, arranging transport or staying during the call. Professional support is especially important when concern persists or the person cannot stay safe.
Follow up after the first conversation
Suicide risk and distress can change after the initial disclosure. Follow up at an agreed time instead of assuming that one conversation resolved the problem. Ask how the person is doing, whether they reached the support you discussed, and whether they want help with the next contact. Continue encouraging connection to professional or community care.
Keep your promises about ordinary contact, but do not promise confidentiality about safety concerns. If a new situation appears urgent, return to the immediate-danger steps: stay with the person and contact qualified help.
Recognize the limits of a friend, colleague or family member
Your conversation can open a door, but it is not a diagnosis, safety plan or treatment. You do not need to determine the person’s level of risk, predict what they will do, or provide therapy. Your responsibilities are to ask clearly, listen without judgment, avoid secrecy, connect support and seek urgent help when necessary.
Take your own safety seriously. If the setting becomes dangerous, move to a safer place and contact emergency services. Do not attempt a rescue that puts you at serious risk; qualified responders can provide specialized assistance.
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Text messages
Use the same direct wording in a text: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Keep messages short, acknowledge the reply, and ask where the person is so you can involve appropriate local help if danger may be immediate. Stay engaged while you contact a crisis service or trusted person, and avoid turning the exchange into a long argument.
Phone or video calls
Speak slowly, ask the direct question, and let pauses happen. If you become concerned about immediate danger, ask the person to remain on the line while you contact urgent support. Confirm their location so responders can find them if needed.
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When you are not nearby
Identify someone local who can be with the person and use the person’s local emergency or crisis system. Do not assume that distance makes the situation less urgent; arrange in-person support while maintaining contact.
Common mistakes and better alternatives
- Avoiding the word suicide: Ask directly so the person does not have to decode hints.
- Arguing or lecturing: Listen and acknowledge the pain before discussing a next step.
- Minimizing: Replace “It could be worse” with “I can hear how painful this is.”
- Acting shocked: Keep your voice steady and thank the person for telling you.
- Daring or challenging: Never frame survival as a test of courage or loyalty.
- Promising secrecy: Explain that safety concerns must be shared with qualified or trusted support.
- Offering only reassurance: Pair care with a concrete connection to help.
- Leaving after disclosure: Stay with the person when immediate danger is possible and obtain urgent support.
A concise script you can use
“I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed, and I care about you. Are you thinking about suicide? I’m here to listen. I’m glad you told me. Would you like me to stay while we contact someone you trust or a professional? If you may be in immediate danger, I’m going to stay with you and call urgent help.”
The exact words can change, but the essentials remain: direct question, calm listening, no judgment, no secrecy, concrete connection and follow-up.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does asking someone about suicide put the idea in their head?
No. NIMH and WHO say that asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. A calm, clear question can make it easier for someone to describe what is happening and accept help.
What should I say to someone who might be suicidal?
Say what you have noticed, ask “Are you thinking about suicide?”, listen without arguing, and acknowledge the pain. Offer to stay while you contact a trusted person, professional or crisis service.
What if the person asks me to keep it secret?
Do not promise secrecy when safety may be at stake. Explain that you care and will stay with them while involving the right trusted person, health professional, crisis counselor or emergency responder.
When should I call emergency services?
Call local emergency services when you believe immediate danger is possible, especially if the person cannot stay safe, has current intent, is injured or has access to a means of self-harm. Stay with them and follow qualified responders’ instructions.
Can I use 988 outside the United States?
988 is a U.S. service. People elsewhere should use their country’s local emergency number or crisis service and verify contacts through authoritative local health information.
What should I do after the conversation?
Follow up at an agreed time, ask whether the person connected with support, and continue encouraging professional or community care. If danger becomes urgent again, stay with them and seek immediate qualified help.
The Bottom Line
Ask plainly, listen without judgment, and treat the disclosure seriously. Do not promise secrecy. Stay with the person when immediate danger is possible, contact local crisis or emergency support, and help maintain connection after the first conversation.
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