Begin with what the child already knows, answer only the question they are asking, and match your words to their age, emotional state, and actual safety. Be honest without graphic detail, name and validate feelings, limit frightening media, and keep checking in. A child watching distant coverage needs context and reassurance based on their real circumstances; a child living with danger, displacement, or possible separation needs immediate practical information and a simple, locally appropriate safety plan.
There is no universal script or age cutoff. The reliable approach from UNICEF and Save the Children is a continuing conversation: listen first, give brief truthful answers, identify helpers and the next step, then notice how the child is coping over time.
First identify the child’s situation
The same word—war—can describe very different experiences. Before choosing an explanation, work out whether the child has seen a news report, heard adults talking, knows a family who fled, or is personally facing danger. Ask, “What have you heard or seen?” and “What are you wondering about?” This reveals misunderstandings and tells you how much information the child can use.
| Situation | What the child usually needs first | What to avoid |
|---|---|---|
| Indirect exposure from television, social media, school, or friends | Plain context, correction of inaccurate information, reassurance tied to the child’s actual location, and reduced exposure to distressing images | Assuming silence means the child is unconcerned or replaying graphic footage |
| A family member, friend, or classmate has been displaced | Respectful language, space for grief and questions, and help understanding that people may leave home to stay safe | Blaming a whole nationality, religion, or ethnic group, or treating displaced people as a threat |
| Direct danger, evacuation, disrupted routines, or possible family separation | Immediate locally appropriate safety instructions, known facts about who is present, and a calm separation plan | Promises about outcomes you cannot guarantee or general advice used instead of current local emergency instructions |
Children also differ in readiness. A preschooler may communicate through play or drawings; a school-age child may ask factual questions; a teenager may follow events independently and challenge an adult’s explanation. These are tendencies, not fixed stages. Let the child’s question, language, body posture, and attention determine the pace.
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Prepare the setting before you speak
- Choose a familiar, comfortable moment when you can stay with the child afterward. UNICEF Europe and Central Asia advises avoiding a difficult conversation immediately before bedtime where possible.
- Turn off competing screens and sit at the child’s level. A walk, drawing session, or shared activity can feel safer than a formal face-to-face interview for a younger child.
- Check your own state first. Children take emotional cues from adults. If you are overwhelmed, take a short break, contact another trusted adult, or postpone the discussion briefly rather than unloading adult fears.
- Find out what the child encountered and where: a particular video, a school conversation, a friend’s account, or an overheard adult discussion. The source often explains the fear.
- Decide the one or two facts the child needs now. You can say that you will find out more later instead of delivering every detail at once.
Rebecca Smith, Global Head of Child Protection at Save the Children, warns that avoiding the subject can leave children feeling alone and frightened: Ignoring or avoiding the topic of conflict can lead to children feeling lost, alone and scared, which can affect their physical and mental health and wellbeing. It is essential to have open and honest conversations with children to help them process what is happening.
Use a simple conversation sequence
- Invite the child’s version. Try, “Tell me what you heard,” “What do you think is happening?” or “What part worries you most?” Do not interrupt to correct every word.
- Reflect the feeling. Say, “That sounds frightening,” “You seem angry,” or “It makes sense to miss people and a familiar home.” Validation is not agreement with every conclusion; it shows that the emotion has been heard.
- Give a brief, accurate explanation. Use ordinary words such as “fighting,” “people leaving home to be safer,” or “families being separated while they travel.” Avoid graphic descriptions, speculation, and political arguments a child cannot act on.
- Answer the question asked. If the child asks whether a family is safe, answer what is known. If you do not know, say so: “I don’t have that information yet. We can check a reliable source together.” Do not fill uncertainty with a guess.
- State the concrete safety fact. If the child is away from the conflict, explain where safety comes from in specific terms, such as who is caring for them and what adults are doing. If safety is uncertain, describe the next step rather than promising that nothing bad will happen.
- Name helpers and choices. Trusted caregivers, teachers, neighbors, health workers, community leaders, and aid workers may all be part of a child’s support network. A small action—drawing a welcome card, helping pack supplies through a trusted organization, or checking on a classmate—can restore a sense of agency without making the child responsible for solving a war.
- Close gently. Ask, “Is there anything else you want to know?” Offer water, food, a story, a walk, or another familiar routine. Tell the child when you will check in again.
UNICEF Europe and Central Asia summarizes the adult’s role this way: Children always look to their parents for a sense of safety and security – even more so in times of crisis.
The same guidance says, Use age-appropriate language, watch their reactions, and be sensitive to their level of anxiety.
Adjust the explanation to age and readiness
Younger children
Use short sentences and familiar concepts. A child may need to know that “war means groups are fighting and people may leave their homes to find safety,” not a chronology of battles. Repeat the same answer patiently; repetition helps when stress makes concentration difficult. Let toys, drawing, or a picture book carry part of the conversation. Stories about refugee experiences can introduce disruption, loss, and welcome without showing frightening images. Keep the child’s ordinary schedule—meals, school, play, and bedtime—as predictable as circumstances allow.
Young children often absorb adult tone and images before they understand the facts. Keep news footage off in the background, especially scenes that replay explosions or people crying. A child who says nothing may still be worried, so notice play themes, clinginess, toileting changes, and sleep without interrogating them.
School-age children
School-age children may ask why people fight, why a family cannot return home, or whether the conflict will reach them. Explain that causes can be complicated and that people in a group are not all the same. Distinguish verified information from rumors: “That is one thing someone said; we do not know that it is true.” Invite the child to bring you a video or post so you can examine it together rather than shaming them for seeing it.
Check what is happening at school. A displaced child may be grieving, learning a new language, or facing jokes and exclusion. Help your child practice a respectful response—“They left because they needed safety”—and tell a teacher about bullying or discriminatory comments.
Teenagers
Teenagers may encounter graphic material, commentary, and arguments continuously. Start by asking what sources they trust and what they think, then discuss how images can be selected, repeated, or manipulated. Do not demand a debate when they are distressed. Acknowledge moral concern, grief, or anger while separating evidence from rumor and a government’s actions from judgments about an entire people.
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Offer choices: take a break from a feed, read a responsible child-oriented report together, talk with a counselor, or help with a practical community action. Respect privacy while making clear that you remain available. If they are directly affected, involve them in age-appropriate planning without assigning them adult responsibility.
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Reassure without making promises you cannot keep
Reassurance must be based on the child’s real circumstances. For a child physically safe from the conflict, say exactly that and explain how you know. “The fighting is in another country, you are here with me, and your school and home are open today” is more useful than “Nothing will ever happen.” For a family in an unstable area, say what is confirmed, who is with the child, and what will happen next. It is honest to add, “We do not know what tomorrow will bring, but we are following local safety instructions and staying together.”
Do not promise that a missing relative will return, that a family will never be separated, or that the conflict will end by a particular date. Acknowledge uncertainty while identifying the adults responsible for decisions. Children can tolerate a difficult truth better when they know the next action and who will help.
Manage news, images, and misinformation
Repeated exposure can keep a child’s alarm system activated. Limit rolling coverage and autoplay, and do not leave adult news on in the background for younger children. Preview material before showing it. When a frightening image appears, name what is known and what is not, then move to a grounding activity. Ask the child to show you the post that frightened them; correct the specific error calmly instead of attacking the person who shared it.
For children who want news, UNICEF UK gives BBC Newsround and First News as examples of child-oriented sources. Availability and editorial suitability can change, so check a resource yourself before recommending it. Read or watch together, pause for questions, and stop when the child’s concentration or body language shows overload. A phone-free period before bed can reduce nightmares and make it easier to settle.
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Teach a basic verification habit without turning the child into a fact-checker for the family: identify who published the item, look for a date and location, compare it with a reliable report, and treat dramatic claims without evidence as unconfirmed. Never circulate distressing footage simply to prove that the war is real.
Talk about refugees and displaced families with dignity
Use “people who were forced to leave home,” “displaced families,” or “refugees” when that legal term is accurate, rather than language that turns people into a problem. Explain that families may leave because of fighting, threats, destroyed homes, or the need to protect children. Leaving can involve grief, lost possessions, interrupted schooling, and uncertainty, alongside relief at reaching safety.
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Make clear that a person’s behavior is not determined by nationality, religion, language, or place of birth. UNICEF advises avoiding labels such as “bad people” or “evil” for whole groups. If a child repeats a stereotype, ask where it came from, correct it, and describe the individual being discussed rather than assigning blame to millions of people.
UNHCR’s Teaching about Refugees materials are designed for primary and secondary education and use age-oriented activities and refugee stories to help learners understand disruption, stress, and loss. A story can open empathy, but it should not be presented as a complete account of every displaced person’s experience. Ask students what the character needs, who can help, and how a classroom can be welcoming.
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Conversation cannot replace current local emergency instructions. Follow guidance from local authorities, humanitarian responders, and safeguarding services. Within that framework, Save the Children recommends a simple plan that a child can remember and practice calmly.
- Name the trusted adults. Identify the caregivers who are responsible now and at least one additional trusted adult, such as a teacher, community leader, or aid worker.
- Share essential contact details. Help the child learn or carry important caregiver phone numbers in a safe form. Adapt this to the child’s age and the security situation.
- Choose a meeting place. Select a realistic, locally appropriate place to meet if the family is separated. Explain that the child should not search through danger.
- State the separation rule. If separated, the child should stay where they are when it is safe to do so and seek help from a trusted adult such as a teacher, community leader, or aid worker. They should not leave with an unknown person because that person offers help.
- Practice without frightening games. Rehearse the words and steps briefly, then return to a normal activity. Update the plan when routes, shelters, phones, or caregivers change.
Tell the child what is known about transport, shelter, school, medication, pets, and important documents only as far as it helps the next decision. Avoid giving a child a burden of carrying every family detail. If a child is already separated, follow current local child-protection procedures immediately; general advice is not a substitute for specialist tracing and reunification services.
Help the body settle after the conversation
Stress can appear physically. UNICEF notes stomachaches, headaches, nightmares, and sleep difficulties as possible signs of worry; younger children may become unusually clingy, while teenagers may show intense grief or anger. One reaction after frightening news does not diagnose a mental-health condition. Many short-term reactions ease as safety and routine return.
- Try slow shared belly breathing: place a hand on the abdomen, breathe in gently, and let the exhale lengthen without forcing it.
- Offer movement, a walk, a game, drawing, music, or helping prepare a meal. UNICEF notes that a small sense of doing something can bring comfort.
- Keep meals, hydration, sleep, school contact, and connection with safe relatives as regular as circumstances permit.
- Ask open questions at intervals: “How have nights been?” “What are you thinking about today?” Accept “I don’t want to talk” and leave the door open.
- Watch patterns rather than a single difficult day. Note whether sleep, eating, play, learning, relationships, or ordinary independence are being disrupted.
Seek an appropriate child mental-health or health professional when concerning reactions persist, intensify, or interfere with daily life. Do not diagnose from a checklist. Follow local safeguarding and emergency procedures if there is immediate danger, a child cannot be kept safe, or someone may harm themselves or another person.
Support children in schools and community settings
Teachers and other trusted adults should begin by asking what students have heard and setting ground rules: listen without mocking, do not share graphic material, and do not identify a classmate’s private family circumstances. Give a factual, age-appropriate explanation, then offer a quiet way to ask questions privately. Coordinate with caregivers and the school’s safeguarding lead when a child’s behavior, attendance, or safety changes.
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Make room for different experiences. A student whose family is directly affected may need privacy, language support, flexible work, or contact with a specialist. Another student may be distressed by images despite being physically safe. Avoid asking a displaced child to represent an entire country or conflict, and never require a personal disclosure as a classroom lesson.
Activities can include mapping the idea of “home” without asking students to reveal locations, reading a carefully selected refugee story, identifying helpers, or planning a welcoming action. Explain that helping is voluntary and must not expose a family to risk.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.Common mistakes and how to repair them
“You are safe, so stop worrying.”
This can sound like a dismissal. Repair it with: “You are safe here right now, and I can see why those images scared you. What would help tonight?”
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Giving every detail at once
Long explanations and graphic images can overwhelm a child. Pause, ask what they understood, and offer one relevant fact at a time.
Making a promise about the future
Replace “Nothing bad will happen” with a truthful plan: “I cannot predict everything, but I know who is with you and what we will do next.”
Assuming a quiet child is fine
Check indirectly during play, meals, or a walk. Notice sleep, body complaints, and changes in behavior without demanding a disclosure.
Arguing about politics when the child is frightened
First address safety and emotion. Later, when the child is ready, explain competing claims and uncertainty using reliable information.
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Using labels for whole groups
Describe actions and decisions precisely, reject stereotypes, and return to the dignity and needs of individual families.
Conversation examples
After a frightening video
“You saw a video of people running. What did you think was happening? I can see that it frightened you. I do not know when or where that clip was recorded, so let’s check a reliable report together. The fighting shown is not happening in our town, and you are here with me. We are turning off the feed for tonight, and you can ask me about it again tomorrow.”
When a child asks why a classmate left home
“Their family left because they needed safety. Leaving home can mean losing familiar places, friends, and belongings, so they may feel sad or worried even while being glad to be safe. We do not know every detail of their story, and it is not our place to guess. We can welcome them, use the name they prefer, and tell an adult if anyone teases them.”
When safety is uncertain
“I wish I could promise exactly what will happen, but I cannot. I know you are with me now, our trusted contact knows where we are, and we are following the local instructions. If we become separated, we will use the meeting place we practiced and ask the identified adults for help.”
Resources and the limits of general advice
UNICEF Europe and Central Asia and UNICEF UK provide caregiver guidance on listening, age-appropriate language, media exposure, helpers, follow-up, and adult self-care. Save the Children addresses validation, misinformation, and family safety planning. UNHCR’s Teaching about Refugees supports classroom work with age-oriented materials and refugee stories. UNICEF South Africa’s A Guide for First Responders: Psychological First Aid for Children, Adolescents and Families Experiencing Trauma (2021) is intended for first responders and people supporting children after trauma; it is not a parent-facing conversation script.
These resources offer principles, not a universal script, diagnostic test, or location-specific emergency plan. Recheck any child-news service, school material, or local contact before using it, and replace general guidance with current instructions from responsible authorities when danger is immediate.
Quick Recap
A brief check-in checklist
- What has the child actually heard or seen?
- What feeling or question is most urgent?
- What one truthful fact can I give now?
- What is the child’s real safety situation?
- Which trusted adult or helper is available?
- What media or conversation should be paused?
- When will I check in again?
- Are reactions easing, or are they persisting and disrupting daily life?
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