Act in this order: stop communicating, preserve evidence, secure your primary email from a trusted device, contact every financial provider immediately, clean any device the scammer accessed, protect your identity and credit, and report the crime through official channels. If you feel overwhelmed, ask a trusted person to sit with you while you work through the checklist. You are not responsible for the scammer’s deception.
What a romance scam can expose
A romance scam is a confidence crime. Someone creates a false identity, builds manufactured intimacy and then asks for money, account access, personal data or help moving funds. A video call does not prove that the person is genuine; the United States Secret Service warns that “Video calls and messaging applications are not enough proof of their real identity.”
The compromise may extend beyond the payment itself. A scammer who learned your email password can reset other accounts. Someone who obtained your Social Security number or identity documents can attempt identity theft. Remote-access software can expose files, browser sessions and saved passwords. Public posts can reveal your birthday, employer, address, travel plans and relatives, giving the same criminal—or another criminal who buys the information—material for a second attempt.
The Federal Trade Commission reported in its 2023 romance-scam spotlight that 40% of people who said they lost money began contact on social media, while 19% began on a website or app. Cryptocurrency and bank wires together represented more than 60% of reported romance-scam losses in 2022. Those figures describe reports, not every victim, but they show why both social accounts and financial channels need attention.
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Your first hour: stop the attack and preserve proof
1. End contact
The FBI’s instruction is direct: “If you’ve been victimized, stop all contact with the scammer immediately.” Do not negotiate, warn the person, send a final message or click a link they provide. Block the profile, number and email address only after you have saved the information you may need for reports.
2. Save evidence before blocking
- Export or screenshot conversations, including dates, usernames, profile URLs and requests for money or codes.
- Save phone numbers, email addresses, cryptocurrency wallet addresses, wire instructions and payment receipts.
- Record the name the person used, claimed employer, photographs and the platforms involved.
- Keep bank, card, payment-app and transfer confirmations. Do not alter the originals; store a copy in a secure location.
Report the profile through the dating or social platform’s own reporting function. Use the platform’s official app or website rather than a link sent by the scammer.
3. Use a trusted device
If the person may have controlled your computer or phone, do not use that device to change passwords until it has been checked. Use a device you trust, or ask a reputable local technician or your organization’s IT team for help. Avoid public computers because they may retain credentials.
Secure your primary email account first
Email is the reset key for many other services. Complete this section before changing passwords elsewhere unless a suspected device compromise requires cleaning a device first.
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- Change the password. Create a long, unique password or passphrase that has never been used on another service. Do not reuse a variation of the old password.
- Change every reused password. If the old email password was used for banking, shopping, social media, cloud storage or work, treat each of those accounts as exposed.
- Inspect recovery settings. In the account’s Security, Login or Account-recovery area, remove unfamiliar recovery email addresses and phone numbers. Confirm that your own details are correct.
- Check forwarding and filters. In Mail Settings, look for forwarding addresses, automatic replies, filters or rules that copy messages containing invoices, password resets or security alerts. Delete anything you did not create.
- Review app passwords and connected applications. Revoke unknown app passwords, OAuth connections and third-party applications. A connected app can retain access even after a password change.
- Revoke active sessions. Use “Where you’re signed in,” “Devices” or an equivalent screen to sign out every unfamiliar session. When in doubt, sign out all sessions and log in again.
- Turn on two-factor authentication. The FTC advises: “Change your passwords and turn on two-factor authentication to protect your accounts.” An authenticator app or security key is generally preferable to receiving codes by text when those options are available.
Use a FIDO2 security key only if it fits your accounts
A FIDO2 hardware security key (also called a WebAuthn security key) can provide a phishing-resistant second factor for services that support it. Enroll a backup key at the same time and store it separately from the primary key. Before relying on keys, read the service’s account-recovery procedure and keep another supported recovery method; losing every enrolled factor can lock you out.
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Check for signs of email takeover
- Password-reset notices you did not request.
- Messages marked read, deleted or sent without your action.
- New email rules, forwarding addresses or delegated access.
- Security alerts showing unfamiliar locations, browsers or devices.
Save evidence of these changes. Do not delete suspicious messages until you have recorded their headers or screenshots if a provider, bank or investigator may need them.
Secure money and payment accounts immediately
Speed matters, but the available remedy depends on the payment method, the receiving institution and how quickly you report it. Call using the number printed on your card or statement, or a number reached through the provider’s official website. Never use a number supplied by the scammer.
- State the situation plainly: say that you paid a romance scammer and believe the transaction is fraudulent.
- Ask what can still be done. Request a recall, freeze, dispute, cancellation or account-change review as applicable to the payment type.
- Secure access. Change the financial-account password, revoke unfamiliar devices and sessions, and replace compromised one-time codes or security credentials.
- Review activity. Examine statements, pending transactions, beneficiaries, linked bank accounts, payees, billers, transfer limits, alerts and recent profile changes.
- Document the case. Record the provider’s case number, representative, date, instructions and documents requested.
Contact the bank, card issuer, payment app, wire service or cryptocurrency platform separately; a report to one does not notify the others. The FTC says to contact the company or bank right away after paying a romance scammer.
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| Payment route | Immediate request | What affects recovery |
|---|---|---|
| Bank transfer or wire | Ask the sending institution for a recall or fraud hold and ask whether the receiving institution can be contacted. | Timing, whether the funds have been withdrawn, and the institutions’ procedures. |
| Credit or debit card | Report the transaction as fraud and ask about a dispute or replacement card. | Card-network rules, transaction status and prompt notification. |
| Payment app | Report the transaction in the app and through its official support channel; ask whether the linked bank or card can also intervene. | Whether the transfer is pending, completed or funded from another account. |
| Cryptocurrency | Notify the exchange or platform immediately, preserve wallet addresses and transaction IDs, and report the fraud. | Blockchain transactions are generally difficult to reverse; the platform may still be able to flag an account or preserve records. |
| Gift card or cash | Contact the issuer or payment location, retain the card and receipt, and report the transaction. | Whether the value has been redeemed and the issuer’s fraud process. |
Do not send more money to “unlock” a refund. A person who promises to recover your loss in exchange for cryptocurrency, gift cards, cash or a transfer is presenting a likely follow-on scam.
If the scammer accessed your phone or computer
Remote-control software, screen sharing, malicious attachments and fake “support” tools can expose passwords even when you change them later. Treat a device as untrusted until it has been checked.
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- Disconnect when necessary. If the scammer is still connected, turn off Wi-Fi and unplug network cables. Do not confront the person through the remote session.
- Update security software. Install current security updates from the device maker or your security provider.
- Run a complete scan. Allow the security tool to quarantine or delete identified problems, then restart and scan again if it recommends doing so.
- Remove software you did not authorize. Uninstall remote-access tools, browser extensions and applications the scammer asked you to install. If you cannot confirm the device is clean, have a qualified professional back up essential files and perform a factory reset or operating-system reinstall.
- Change credentials again. After the device is clean, repeat password changes and enable two-factor authentication from that device or another trusted one. Assume anything typed while the attacker had access may have been captured.
If you lost control of your phone number, contact the mobile provider through its official channel, recover the number and add an account PIN or other port-out protection where offered. Then change passwords for accounts that used text messages for recovery. Check email and financial accounts for changes made during the period of control.
Protect your identity and credit
If you disclosed a Social Security number, passport, driver’s-license image or other identity document, use IdentityTheft.gov for a tailored recovery plan. Follow its instructions for credit monitoring, identity-theft reports and replacing compromised documents.
Review the records that reveal new activity
- Obtain and review your credit reports for unfamiliar accounts, hard inquiries, addresses or employers.
- Check bank and card statements for small “test” transactions as well as large withdrawals.
- Look for new beneficiaries, linked accounts, payment methods and changes to contact information.
- Ask each affected institution how to place a fraud alert, freeze access or replace an account credential.
Keep a dated incident log with copies of reports, case numbers and correspondence. It helps you avoid missing a follow-up and gives each institution a consistent account of what happened.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.Report the scam through official channels
Reporting does not guarantee that money will be recovered, but it creates records that can help providers and investigators connect cases.
- File with the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
- Submit an Internet crime complaint to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) at ic3.gov.
- Follow Consumer Financial Protection Bureau guidance, and consider your state attorney general and local police when money, identity documents or threats are involved.
Reach these services by typing the address yourself or finding it through an official government site. Be cautious if an email, text or call claims to be from a government agency, law enforcement, your bank or a card provider; the CFPB specifically warns about these impersonation attempts. Real agencies and financial institutions will not require cryptocurrency, gift cards or a transfer to “protect” your funds.
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Reduce the chance of repeat targeting
Lock down public information
Set social and dating profiles to the most restrictive practical privacy settings. Remove your public birth date, home address, employer, travel plans and detailed family information. Review old posts, tagged photographs, followers and connected applications. The FBI warns that scammers may use public posts to target victims and share victims’ identities on “sucker lists.”
Tell one safe person
Share what happened with someone you trust. A helper can monitor statements, accompany you on calls and notice a second scammer posing as a bank investigator or recovery specialist. Agree on a simple rule: no payment, password or verification code is sent during an unexpected call or message; verify through a number you find independently.
Watch for follow-on approaches
- A supposed investigator who knows details of the first scam.
- A “recovery agent” demanding an upfront fee or cryptocurrency.
- A new romantic contact who quickly discusses investments, emergencies or moving money.
- Messages claiming your account is at risk and asking you to click a link or read out a code.
Save these contacts as additional evidence, block them and report them to the relevant platform or agency.
A practical response matrix
| What happened | Do first | Next priority | How reversible it may be |
|---|---|---|---|
| Password disclosed | Secure primary email and change the reused password everywhere. | Revoke sessions, recovery methods and connected apps; enable two-factor authentication. | Password changes and session revocation are immediate actions. |
| Money sent | Call the bank, card issuer, app, wire service or crypto platform immediately. | Preserve transaction records and report to the FTC and IC3. | Recovery depends on payment method, timing and whether funds moved onward. |
| Identity data disclosed | Use IdentityTheft.gov and review credit and financial records. | Replace documents or credentials and dispute unfamiliar accounts. | Protective steps are available, but misuse may continue until accounts and records are corrected. |
| Device or phone accessed | Disconnect or recover the device or number and use a trusted device. | Update, scan, remove threats, then repeat password changes and two-factor setup. | Credential changes are effective after the device is no longer controlled. |
| Only a profile or conversation exposed | Preserve evidence, block and report the profile. | Remove public personal details and warn a trusted person. | Blocking stops that channel; copied information may already circulate. |
When to get additional help
Ask for professional assistance if you cannot regain email or phone access, see unauthorized financial activity, suspect malware that scans do not remove, face threats or blackmail, or are helping someone who has difficulty managing accounts. A bank fraud department, mobile carrier, qualified device technician, identity-theft counselor or local law-enforcement officer can handle the part within their authority. Keep control of your passwords and verification codes; a helper should guide you rather than take permanent possession of your accounts.
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