Lilly Jay’s “not a girl’s girl” comment about Ariana Grande came in July 2023, shortly after reports linked Grande with Jay’s then-husband, Ethan Slater. Jay later gave a more reflective account in a December 2024 essay, but she did not name either Grande or Slater or provide a definitive chronology of the relationship.
Lilly Jay first spoke publicly in July 2023, describing the fallout from reports linking her then-husband, Ethan Slater, with Ariana Grande as devastating for her family. Speaking to Page Six on July 27, Jay called Grande “not a girl’s girl” and said, “my family is just collateral damage.” She also said she was focused on raising the couple’s infant son and being a good mother.
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Those comments were made shortly after reports emerged that Slater had filed for divorce. They remain the clearest direct public criticism Jay made of Grande. But they should not be confused with Jay’s later, more reflective account: a December 2024 essay for The Cut that did not name either Grande or Slater and focused on divorce, motherhood, privacy, public scrutiny and co-parenting.
What Lilly Jay said about Ariana Grande in 2023
When entertainment coverage began linking Slater and Grande, Jay told Page Six that Grande was “not a girl’s girl.” She described her family as “collateral damage” and said her priority was caring for the couple’s baby.
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Jay’s words expressed her view of the personal impact of the situation. They do not, by themselves, establish the precise chronology of Slater and Grande’s relationship or prove that either person violated a particular legal or marital obligation.
Contemporary reports included conflicting accounts from anonymous sources. One source cited by Us Weekly claimed that Slater had told Jay he wanted a divorce days before the relationship reports became public. Another source said Slater and Grande were already separated from their spouses when their relationship began. Those claims were source allegations, not independently settled facts.
Why the comments resurfaced during the Wicked publicity cycle
Grande and Slater met while filming the movie musical Wicked in the United Kingdom in early 2023. Slater and Jay had a young son, and Jay later wrote that she had moved to London with Slater and their then-two-month-old baby to support his career.
The relationship became a major part of the public conversation surrounding the film. As Wicked entered its promotional period, the story was revisited alongside questions about the timing of the romance, the end of both marriages and the effect on Jay’s family. The film’s publicity therefore brought renewed attention to Jay’s brief 2023 remarks—even though the chronology remained disputed in public reporting.
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Jay’s fuller account in her December 2024 essay
Jay offered a substantially more nuanced account in an essay published by The Cut on December 19, 2024. She described Slater as her high-school sweetheart and wrote about the contrast between her own privacy-focused professional life and his career as a public performer.
According to coverage of the essay, Jay wrote about moving overseas with Slater and their infant son, expecting to support his work, while struggling to understand the growing distance in the marriage. She described the experience of having private family problems turned into tabloid material and wrote about taking ownership of the “sudden public downfall” of her marriage. She also said she had “nothing to hide.”
Jay did not name Grande or Slater in the essay. Rather than laying out a definitive account of when the romance began, she focused on grief, exposure and the difficulty of seeing a painful private period repeatedly associated with a major public film. She wrote that she and her former husband remained committed to co-parenting their son, whom they loved fiercely.
She also described the emotional effect of the Wicked publicity campaign. Days connected to promotion for the film could be particularly painful because the movie was associated with what she described as the worst period of her life.
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In a September 2024 Vanity Fair interview, Grande addressed the public treatment of her relationship with Slater. As summarized by Teen Vogue, she said the early coverage and what she characterized as disreputable tabloid reporting had been difficult. Grande criticized people for accepting what she considered the worst version of events and strongly defended Slater’s character.
Grande said she had gone through major personal changes during the filming of Wicked, but she did not provide a detailed chronology of the specific allegations circulating at the time. Her comments represented her perspective on the coverage and on Slater; they did not independently resolve the disputed timeline.
What Ethan Slater said
Slater discussed the relationship in an interview with GQ published on October 30, 2024. As reported by Teen Vogue, he said that 2023 had involved major changes in his private life and that it was difficult to watch people who did not know the circumstances speculate publicly.
He described falling in love with Grande while working on Wicked as a beautiful development and praised her work. Like Grande, Slater objected to the public speculation but did not provide a complete, independently verifiable account of the relationship’s beginning.
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Relationship timeline
| Date | What was reported |
|---|---|
| Early 2023 | Grande and Slater filmed Wicked in the United Kingdom. Slater and Jay had a young son. Jay later wrote that she moved to London with the baby to support Slater’s career. |
| July 2023 | Reports publicly linked Grande and Slater. Jay told Page Six that Grande was “not a girl’s girl” and that her family was “collateral damage.” Reports also said Slater had filed for divorce. |
| September 2024 | Grande defended Slater and criticized tabloid portrayals in a Vanity Fair interview. |
| October 30, 2024 | Slater discussed the relationship and public scrutiny in a GQ interview. |
| November 2024 | The relationship became Instagram-official during the Wicked promotional cycle, according to the Los Angeles Times. |
| December 19, 2024 | Jay published her essay in The Cut. She did not name Grande or Slater and centered the piece on privacy, divorce, motherhood, publicity and co-parenting. |
| June 2026 | The Los Angeles Times reported that Grande and Slater had ended their relationship several months earlier. A People source described the split as amicable and said they remained friends and supportive of one another. |
What is established—and what remains uncertain
- Established in the public record: Jay made the July 2023 comments to Page Six; she later published a December 2024 essay about the personal and public consequences of her divorce; Grande and Slater each addressed public speculation in 2024.
- Not definitively established: the exact date Grande and Slater began dating, whether either relationship overlapped with a legally or informally defined separation, and the precise sequence of the end of Slater and Jay’s marriage.
- Important distinction: Jay’s 2024 essay was not a detailed accusation of infidelity. It was a personal account of grief, public exposure, motherhood and the effort to co-parent after a highly publicized breakup.
Accordingly, it is more accurate to say that Jay described her family as harmed by the situation than to state as fact that Grande or Slater cheated or broke up their marriages for one another. The available public accounts contain competing perspectives and anonymous-source claims, but no complete, independently established chronology.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.Where the relationship stands
The latest status identified in the research for this article is a June 2026 Los Angeles Times report saying that Grande and Slater had split several months earlier. The report cited a source who described the breakup as amicable and said the two continued to support one another.
That reported split is separate from Jay’s account of the earlier marriage breakdown. Her public comments evolved from the sharp criticism she gave in July 2023 to the broader, more reflective discussion published in December 2024. Taken together, they show the personal cost Jay said the publicity imposed on her family—but they do not settle every disputed detail of how Grande and Slater’s relationship began.
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Frequently Asked Questions
What did Lilly Jay say about Ariana Grande?
Jay told Page Six in July 2023 that Ariana Grande was “not a girl’s girl” and that her family was “collateral damage.” She said she was focused on raising her infant son and being a good mother.
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Did Lilly Jay name Ariana Grande or Ethan Slater in her 2024 essay?
No. In her December 2024 essay for The Cut, Jay did not name Ariana Grande or Ethan Slater. The essay focused on the emotional impact of divorce, tabloid exposure, motherhood, privacy and co-parenting.
When did Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater start dating?
The public record does not establish the exact date the relationship began. Reports included conflicting anonymous-source claims about whether Slater and Grande were already separated from their spouses when they began dating.
Are Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater still together?
The Los Angeles Times reported in June 2026 that Grande and Slater had ended their relationship several months earlier. A source cited by People described the split as amicable and said they remained friends and supportive of each other.
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Lilly Jay’s July 2023 comments directly criticized Ariana Grande and described her family as “collateral damage.” Her December 2024 The Cut essay was more reflective, did not name Grande or Slater, and focused on divorce, privacy, motherhood and co-parenting. The exact relationship timeline remains disputed in public reporting, while the latest reported update says Grande and Slater split several months before June 2026.
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