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Lady Gaga says making Mayhem helped her feel more integrated, relaxed and comfortable in her own skin. “When I feel creatively fulfilled, that’s when I feel most myself,” she told Rolling Stone—describing a personal connection between creative fulfillment and no longer feeling split between Lady Gaga and Stefani.
What Gaga means by feeling “most myself”
In Tomás Mier’s Rolling Stone interview, published March 6, 2025, Gaga looked back on a time when she felt she was performing as two different people. “I used to always feel like I was playing two different people, and I would crash when I was doing either,” she said. Now, she said, she feels more at ease in her own skin: “Now, I really feel like myself.”
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She connected that change to making music that fulfilled her creatively: “When I feel creatively fulfilled, that’s when I feel most myself.” In this context, “most myself” is Gaga’s description of her own experience—not a clinical claim or a universal formula for identity.
How Mayhem looks backward and forward
Gaga described Mayhem as a return to the Gothic dreams associated with The Fame Monster and Born This Way, while also trying to make music that took her somewhere new. “I wanted to traverse old ground while breaking new ground, which I think is hard to do,” she said.
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- 13-time Grammy-winner, Academy Award-winner, and two-time Golden Globe-winner Lady Gaga returns with MAYHEM
That tension—recognizable influences alongside unfamiliar musical choices—runs through her account of the album. Its return to earlier Gothic sounds was not, in her telling, simply a repeat of the past; it was part of an effort to push into new territory.
“Killah” is the leap into unfamiliar territory
Asked which song took her furthest outside her comfort zone, Gaga pointed to “Killah.” She said its feel and groove were unlike anything she had worked on before. The interview identifies Gesaffelstein as a collaborator on the track.
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She also placed “Killah” within the album’s imagined night out: it carries the kind of confidence that marks a peak moment in that journey. The song therefore represents both a musical risk and a shift in the album’s emotional energy, rather than an objective ranking of its tracks.
Why the album is a night out through chaos
Gaga described Mayhem as being about resilience amid chaos. “Mayhem, to me, is ultimately about resilience and also chaos. We need to be resilient through chaos.” She framed the album as one night out, giving its songs a shared emotional arc rather than treating them as isolated scenes.
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In that arc, “Killah” sits at a moment of confidence, while the closing stretch turns toward memory, unease and hope. Gaga’s description of the ending captures the album’s movement: “The beauty of the album is that the mayhem doesn’t repeat. It ends.”
“Blade of Grass” holds proposal memories and grief
Gaga said “Blade of Grass” grew from a memory of a backyard conversation connected to Michael Polansky’s proposal. In her account, however, the backyard was not only a romantic setting: it also carried memories of loss, including that of a friend who had married there and later died of cancer.
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Those associations help explain why she described the song as eerie and bittersweet. Its tenderness is shadowed by the place’s history, making it a point of tension in the album’s journey rather than a straightforward love-song interlude.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.“Die With a Smile” brings the mayhem to an end
Gaga contrasted “Blade of Grass” with “Die With a Smile,” describing the latter as hopeful, dreamy and classic. In her account, the album moves from the tension of “Blade of Grass” toward that hopeful resolution, where the mayhem ends.
The contrast gives the closing movement its shape: unease and grief do not vanish from the story, but the album does not leave the listener inside them. Gaga’s account of the ending returns to the idea that chaos can be endured—and that, on this album, it does not have to continue indefinitely.
What “Zombie Boy” means in her account
Gaga said the title “Zombie Boy” came to mind while she was working on a celebratory song. She also described Rick Genest, known as Zombie Boy, as an inspiring person. Her comments establish that connection, but do not describe the song as a full biographical tribute.
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