How to Lose Your Mother: A Daughter’s Memoir is Molly Jong-Fast’s account of growing up with the celebrated novelist Erica Jong and facing a family caregiving crisis in 2023. It is a daughter’s memoir—not an outside biography of Erica—and its portrait, including the idea of a mother who is “always performing,” should be read as part of Jong-Fast’s perspective.
What the memoir is about
Jong-Fast writes about a mother-daughter relationship shaped by literary fame, emotional distance and the expectations surrounding a well-known parent. Erica Jong is the author of Fear of Flying; her public identity forms part of the world her daughter describes. The book’s central concern, however, is not a survey of Jong’s career but the family bond as Jong-Fast remembers and reconsiders it.
That distinction matters: the family history and private experiences are presented through Jong-Fast’s memoir and the critics reviewing it. The publisher describes Erica Jong as an elusive mother and frames the book as a reckoning with a complicated childhood. The title’s “always performing” language is a framing of this article’s subject, not a verified quotation from either woman.
Why 2023 becomes the story’s turning point
As described in reviews, the memoir’s present-day narrative gathers around a succession of family health crises in 2023. Publishers Weekly reports that Erica Jong received a dementia diagnosis that year, the 50th anniversary of Fear of Flying. The review also recounts Jong-Fast’s husband being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, her stepfather’s worsening Parkinson’s disease, and the move of her mother and stepfather to assisted living.
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Kirkus likewise describes the convergence of her mother’s and stepfather’s declining health with her husband’s cancer. These are family events as related in the memoir and discussed by reviewers, not independently reported medical histories.
The Guardian’s review, by Fiona Sturges and published June 19, 2025, called it “the worst year of her life” in its headline. That is the review’s characterization of the period, not an objective ranking of the family’s suffering.
A complicated portrait, not a simple indictment
The critical response emphasizes the memoir’s mixed emotional register. Publishers Weekly and Kirkus describe a blend of anger, grief and humor, alongside Jong-Fast’s self-criticism and continuing attachment to her mother. That combination makes the book more than a catalogue of grievances: it considers the difficulty of loving someone while confronting painful parts of the relationship.
Readers should therefore approach the memoir as a candid, subjective account of family life under pressure. Its emotional force rests partly on the tension between the daughter’s remembered childhood and the practical demands of caring for aging relatives.
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No. Fear of Flying provides useful context for Erica Jong’s literary fame and for the anniversary that coincided with the events described in the memoir, but the available descriptions do not suggest that it is prerequisite reading. The two books also serve different purposes: Fear of Flying is Erica Jong’s novel; How to Lose Your Mother is her daughter’s memoir about family history and caregiving.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.Publication details and editions
Penguin Random House lists the US Viking edition as published June 3, 2025, with 256 pages and ISBN 9780593656471. Its listing includes hardcover, paperback, ebook and audiobook formats. The paperback is listed as published May 5, 2026. The publisher also identifies the book as a New York Times bestseller and a Washington Post Notable Nonfiction Book of 2025; those honors are reported on the publisher’s listing.
The publisher gives the audiobook a runtime of 6 hours 55 minutes and lists Jong-Fast as its narrator. Kirkus rounds the duration to seven hours and also identifies her as narrator. The publisher listing is the source for the exact runtime and edition details.
See Penguin Random House’s edition and format listing.
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