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Why Did Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell Break Up? Their Tokyo Argument and Earlier Ups and Downs

Kirkconnell says Matt James told her he was not ready to propose and could not picture marrying her, after a Tokyo argument. Here is her account, the Instagram announcement, and the couple's earlier split.
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Rachael Kirkconnell has said the January 2025 breakup followed an argument during a trip to Tokyo that turned into a serious conversation about whether the two were compatible and whether Matt James was ready to marry her. In her January 29, 2025 interview on Call Her Daddy, she said James told her he felt the weight of marriage, was not ready to propose, and could not see himself marrying her. She described that message as abrupt, because she believed recent private conversations and public comments had shown them to be aligned about a future together. No detailed account of his reasons from James appears in the coverage this article draws on, so what follows is primarily Kirkconnell’s version, with the independently confirmed events marked as such.

What Kirkconnell says led to the split

The argument in Tokyo

According to Kirkconnell’s account, reported by ABC News and the Los Angeles Times, the couple argued during their trip to Japan. She said she became overwhelmed while trying to choose a restaurant, felt she had disappointed James, and cried briefly at dinner. She said James later questioned how she would cope with more serious hardships if small disappointments upset her.

A separate disagreement the following day escalated into a larger argument, and that argument became a conversation about the relationship itself. This sequence is her recollection; it has not been independently documented beyond her interview and the reporting that summarized it.

The marriage conversation

Kirkconnell said James raised concerns about compatibility and about qualities he worried about in a wife. He told her he did not feel ready to propose and could not see himself proposing in the future.

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She said the two had discussed engagement, marriage and children, and that she believed their expectations were aligned. In her telling, the gap between those conversations and his stated uncertainty was what made the moment so painful and confusing. She also said she had felt insecure in the relationship and found it hard to trust him. She denied that infidelity caused the breakup.

How the breakup became public

The sequence, as Kirkconnell described it, ran as follows:

  1. The couple privately ended the relationship a few hours before the public announcement.
  2. On January 16, 2025, James posted on Instagram announcing the split, with a prayer asking for strength, peace and comfort for the former couple and their friends and family.
  3. Kirkconnell learned of the post shortly before boarding a long flight from Tokyo to Atlanta.

The post included a line that ABC News reproduced exactly: “Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts.” Kirkconnell said the timing and public nature of the announcement left her shocked and worried about how people would react. She later said James acknowledged that posting without giving her advance notice was not the right decision.

The ups and downs before 2025

The couple’s history includes a separation and a reconciliation well before the 2025 split. The table below lays out the sequence as reported.

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Date Event Source
Season 25 of The Bachelor (broadcast in 2020) James and Kirkconnell meet. James gives Kirkconnell his final rose but does not propose, and they choose to continue the relationship outside the show. ABC News; Glamour
During the season’s broadcast Photos of Kirkconnell at a 2018 antebellum-themed party draw public criticism. ABC News
2021 Kirkconnell apologizes publicly, calling her actions offensive and racist. ABC News
March 2021 The couple has separated by the After the Final Rose special. Glamour
May 2021 James says the couple is giving the relationship another chance. ABC News, citing the Wall Street Journal
2021 to 2025 The couple dates for several more years. Glamour
January 16, 2025 James announces the breakup on Instagram. ABC News
January 29, 2025 Kirkconnell gives her account on Call Her Daddy. ABC News; Los Angeles Times

The 2021 controversy is important context for the couple’s history, but it is not the explanation Kirkconnell gave for the 2025 split. Her account centered on marriage readiness and compatibility, not on the earlier controversy.

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Where things stand

In her January 2025 interview, Kirkconnell said she did not think she could reconcile with James after he said he did not see them marrying. In February 2025, E! News reported that the two appeared to be on friendly terms after she liked a social-media post. That exchange is not evidence of a reunion.

The most recent direct statements on the split date from early 2025. The coverage cited here does not establish whether the two are still apart as of October 2026, so a current relationship status should not be stated as settled without a newer statement from either of them.

For readers looking for the short answer: the breakup was announced in January 2025 after a Tokyo argument that, in Kirkconnell’s account, exposed a mismatch over marriage. Cheating is not part of her explanation.

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