Ethan Slater’s former wife is Lilly Jay, a clinical psychologist whose practice includes perinatal mental health and support for parents and children. The two married in 2018 and had a son in 2022. Published reporting says their divorce was finalized in September 2024. Jay has since written a personal essay about privacy, grief and the intrusion of public attention, and that essay is the main first-person account of the split that the reporting quotes.
Who Lilly Jay is professionally
Women’s Health describes Jay as a licensed clinical psychologist working in New York and New Jersey. The professional details come from her provider-directory biography, as relayed by that outlet, rather than from an independent check of her licensing records. According to that biography, her training and work focus on:
- Parents going through infertility
- Medically complex pregnancies
- Perinatal or infant loss
- Early childhood
Jay has also written about her own experience of postpartum depression and preeclampsia in connection with her essay, as Women’s Health reported. These are personal health disclosures, and they are included here only as context for the essay, not as a clinical assessment of anyone.
The reported timeline
The dates below come from published reports, not from court records. The reporting does not independently confirm the filings, and where outlets differ, the table notes it.
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| When | What was reported | Source as reported |
|---|---|---|
| High school | The couple first met, according to reporting linked from Jay’s profile. Women’s Health says they began dating in college. | Women’s Health |
| 2018 | Jay and Slater married. | Women’s Health |
| 2022 | Their son was born. | Women’s Health; Los Angeles Times summary of Jay’s essay |
| After the birth | Jay’s essay describes moving abroad with her infant son and her husband so he could pursue his career. The country is not named in the reporting. | Los Angeles Times summary of Jay’s essay |
| Summer 2023 | Slater filed for divorce. | Women’s Health |
| September 2024 | The divorce was finalized. | Los Angeles Times |
What Jay wrote about public attention
Jay’s 2024 personal essay, as summarized by the Los Angeles Times, covers three things: the public exposure of a private divorce, the effect on her professional boundaries with therapy patients, and the emotional adjustment after the end of her marriage. The essay does not name Slater or Ariana Grande, and it does not go into detail about their relationship.
Several lines from the essay have been quoted in reporting. Each is quoted as published, and the full essay gives more context than a short excerpt:
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- “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide.”
- “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”
- “Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest day of my life are darker.”
These are Jay’s first-person reflections. They describe how she experienced the attention, and they should not be read as accusations against anyone or as clinical findings.
Co-parenting and their son’s privacy
The Los Angeles Times reports that Jay and Slater remain committed to co-parenting their son. Slater has said publicly that he avoids sharing anecdotes about the child in order to protect the child’s privacy. Coverage of the family should follow the same approach. This article does not name the child or publish identifying details about him.
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What the reporting does not establish
- When the relationship between Slater and Grande began. The reporting does not establish the start of their relationship.
- Infidelity. Public reporting connected Slater and Grande to the attention around the divorce, but no source independently substantiates infidelity claims. Any such claim should be presented as an attributed rumor.
- Court filings. The timeline relies on published reports, and the reports were not checked against court records.
- Statistics. Jay refers to statistics in her essay, but the reporting does not supply the underlying studies or figures, so none are cited here.
- Books or products. No book, program or product authored or endorsed by Jay was identified in the reporting.
The most recent reporting on the divorce that this article relies on dates from late 2024. Readers should check for newer statements from either party before treating the timeline as complete.
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