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The top joke in a 2019 poll of 2,000 British children aged 7–12 was: “Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.” The poll was commissioned by Beano.com for Father’s Day. It offers a snapshot of what those children chose—not a timeless verdict from kids everywhere.
The nine jokes reported from the poll
Chortle reported the following leading entries from the Beano.com-commissioned poll. The available report passage lists nine jokes; it does not establish a tenth.
- “Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.”
- “Did you hear the rumour about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!”
- “What do you call a man who can’t stand? Neil.”
- “I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro — It’s a total rip off!”
- “Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.”
- “I keep trying to lose weight…but it keeps finding me.”
- “What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!”
- “Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.”
- “You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.”
Chortle’s report of the poll describes the sample as 2,000 British children aged 7–12 and quotes its promotional wording as children choosing their funniest “dad joke” “of all time.” The age, place and date matter: the finding is a result from that particular survey, not a current or universal ranking.
Why the top three work
1. The crab and “shellfish”
“Shellfish” sounds like “selfish,” so the punchline recasts a personality trait as a crab-related word. The surprise depends on hearing both meanings at once.
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“Spread” can mean putting or spreading butter, as well as circulating a rumour. The speaker seems to decline gossip, then lands on a butter-related double meaning.
3. “Neil” and standing
The name “Neil” is a sound-alike for “knee’ll” in the question about a man who can’t stand. Like the other two, it rewards a quick switch between a familiar phrase and its literal sound.
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The list also uses literal turns, wordplay and deliberately corny punchlines. Those are features of these examples, not proof that children generally prefer one kind of joke.
How this ranking differs from other children’s joke lists
A separate 2018 ranking covered children’s funniest jokes more broadly, rather than dad jokes alone. British Comedy Guide reported “Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!” in first place at 52%, followed by “What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus” at 45%. Those figures belong to that separate ranking and should not be combined with the 2019 dad-joke poll.
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- Family-friendly jokes
- A wide variety of joke styles
- Fun illustrations that add to the fun
- Perplexing yet funny riddles
- Bonus Q&A jokes
British Comedy Guide’s report concerns a different joke category and ranking. A later analysis reported by The Washington Post also has a different audience: authors Paul Silvia and Meriel Burnett analyzed 32,000 jokes from r/dadjokes. The newspaper described the work as a preprint that had not been peer reviewed at the time of its 2026 report. It discusses highly rated examples involving puns, literalized idioms and pedantic humor, but Reddit ratings cannot tell us what children find funniest.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.What the results can—and can’t—tell you
- What they show: the crab/shellfish pun led the entries reported from a 2019 poll commissioned by Beano.com among 2,000 British children aged 7–12.
- What they do not show: what children in other countries, age groups or years would choose, or what all children prefer today.
- How to read the list: treat it as a dated, child-ranked collection of dad jokes, not as a definitive scientific measure of humor.
For parents, the value may be less about finding a universally funniest line than sharing the moment. Comedian and former elementary school teacher Joe Dombrowski put it simply: “Any opportunity to laugh with your kids is a win.” We Are Teachers presents that advice alongside its own curated examples, which are not survey winners.
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Researcher Paul Silvia, quoted by The Washington Post, offered another useful perspective: “These are jokes that dads tell their kids. The kids crack up when they’re younger, but then they start growing up and getting irritated as teenagers because these jokes are so deliberately uncool.” That is an observation about the dad-joke dynamic, not a finding from the children’s poll.
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