Spaceballs is a 1987 American comedy with a 96-minute running time, according to the American Film Institute. These 30 lines are an editorial selection for their comic timing, memorable phrasing, and place in the film—not an official ranking.
30 memorable Spaceballs quotes
Wording and punctuation can differ between online transcripts and quote collections. The lines below are presented as character dialogue; where a precise transcription matters, check the film itself.
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![Spaceballs [4KUHD] [Blu-ray] (Slip cover not included)](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51cqyt6DQ4L._SL160_.jpg)
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Spaceballs [4KUHD] [Blu-ray] (Slip cover not included) | $19.99 | Buy on Amazon |
| 2 |
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Spaceballs | $7.49 | Buy on Amazon |
| 3 |
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Spaceballs (Two-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo) | $41.00 | Buy on Amazon |
| 4 |
![Spaceballs (RPKG/BD) [Blu-ray]](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/418bioH84dL._SL160_.jpg)
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Spaceballs (RPKG/BD) [Blu-ray] | $15.27 | Buy on Amazon |
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“May the Schwartz be with you!”
Yogurt — The film’s playful answer to a familiar space-opera blessing. The screenplay gives the line with “Schwartz” capitalized; quote collections vary in capitalization. Screenplay
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“Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made.”
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Spaceballs [4KUHD] [Blu-ray] (Slip cover not included)- The disk has English audio and subtitles.
Yogurt — His blunt explanation of the film’s mock merchandise pitch. IMDb quote collection
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“May the schwartz be with you!”
The doll — A miniature reprise of the Schwartz joke in Yogurt’s merchandising sequence. IMDb quote collection
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“Merchandising!”
Yogurt — The punchy refrain that turns a sales pitch into a running gag.
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“Spaceballs: The T-Shirt!”
Yogurt — The first item in a deliberately over-the-top list of tie-in products. Transcript
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“Spaceballs: The Coloring Book!”
Yogurt — The product parade keeps going, with the absurdity building by accumulation. Transcript
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“Spaceballs: The Lunch Box!”
Yogurt — Another ordinary childhood item gets the grand treatment in Yogurt’s pitch. Transcript
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“Spaceballs: The Breakfast Cereal!”
Yogurt — The joke is that even breakfast has become part of the fictional franchise. Transcript
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“Spaceballs: The Flame Thrower!”
Yogurt — A wildly unsuitable toy rounds out the escalating catalog. Transcript
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“The kids love this one.”
Yogurt — The understatement is the joke when the product is a flame thrower. Transcript wording can vary. Transcript
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“Spaceballs: The Doll!”
Yogurt — The merchandising scene brings its own punch line: the doll gets to deliver a Schwartz greeting. Transcript
Rank #2
Spaceballs- Factory sealed DVD
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“I’m surrounded by assholes.”
Dark Helmet — A furious assessment that became one of the film’s most frequently repeated lines.
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“What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?”
Special offer. See more information about Outbyte and uninstall instructions. Please review EULA and Privacy policy.Dark Helmet — His taunt turns a pop-culture catchphrase into a spacecraft command-room joke.
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“I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.”
Dark Helmet — A boast framed as a mock duel between rival powers.
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“Evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.”
Dark Helmet — The villain’s self-satisfied philosophy, reduced to a ridiculous slogan.
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“We’re not just doing this for money. We’re doing it for a shitload of money!”
Dark Helmet — An unusually candid statement of the movie’s appetite for broad comedy.
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“Keep firing, assholes!”
Dark Helmet — A command that abandons military decorum almost immediately.
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“Prepare ship for ludicrous speed!”
Dark Helmet — The setup for one of the film’s most visually memorable space-travel gags.
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“Ludicrous speed! Go!”
Dark Helmet — The order makes the absurdly named speed sound like a serious tactical maneuver.
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“What have I done? My brains are going into my feet!”
Dark Helmet — His panic gives the ludicrous-speed sequence a perfectly silly payoff.
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“So, the prince is a prince!”
Princess Vespa — A brisk reaction to the story’s royal complications.
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“I’m a mog: half man, half dog. I’m my own best friend.”
Barf — The half-man, half-dog character introduces himself with a joke that is also a miniature biography.
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“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me. I’m your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.”
Dark Helmet — A deliberately useless explanation of how he knows the other person.
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“What does that make us?”
Lone Starr — The question invites the increasingly tangled family connection that follows.
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“Absolutely nothing!”
Dark Helmet — The conclusion to the family-tree gag is short enough to land like a punch line.
Rank #4
Spaceballs (RPKG/BD) [Blu-ray]- Runtime: 96 minutes
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“I’m a princess. I’m supposed to be kissed.”
Princess Vespa — A fairy-tale expectation meets the film’s irreverent tone.
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“You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!”
Dark Helmet — A movie-industry joke folded into the story’s pursuit plot.
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“Funny, she doesn’t look Druish.”
Dark Helmet — A quick gag built around a mistaken assumption about Princess Vespa.
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“May the Schwartz be with you.”
Yogurt — The line captures the film’s central spoof in one compact phrase. The screenplay and quote pages show closely related versions of it. Screenplay
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“Spaceballs: The Movie!”
Yogurt — The merchandising pitch turns back on the film itself, completing the joke about selling a movie as a brand.
Why Yogurt’s merchandising scene stands out
Yogurt’s pitch works because it shifts the scene from fantasy-world adventure to a straight-faced sales presentation. The transcript lists a T-shirt, coloring book, lunch box, breakfast cereal, flame thrower, and doll; that list supplies the scene’s structure, while the doll’s Schwartz line gives it a final callback. Springfield! Springfield! transcript
Online quote collections and transcripts are useful for locating lines, but they are not a single definitive text. The screenplay, IMDb quote page, and transcript reproduce the Schwartz wording with differences in capitalization and punctuation. The film is the best reference if exact wording is essential.
Quick Recap
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