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Brenden Durell’s central advice for dating is to slow down: ask questions, get to know the person in front of you, and pay attention to your own boundaries. The intimacy coach and tantra guide, who has led workshops with Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle contestants, shared those ideas in interviews—not as a proven therapy, but as practical prompts for more deliberate connection.
Who is Brenden Durell?
Interview publishers describe Durell as an intimacy expert, coach, mentor, and tantra guide. My Imperfect Life reported that he mentored contestants on Too Hot To Handle; the feature also identifies him as a former baseball player who works with professional athletes, celebrities, and leaders. Distractify describes his role on the show as leading workshops intended to help contestants understand themselves and their partners and connect without hooking up.
Durell told Glamour that the workshop team creates the exercises and he delivers the message in his own way. He said he often receives the setup shortly before a workshop and shapes a lesson around communication, intimacy, or romance; he is not the sole designer of every on-screen exercise.
His dating advice: slow down and get curious
Asked by My Imperfect Life in June 2023 for his key advice to contestants, Durell answered: “Slow down. Don’t rush.” He elaborated: “Slow down, ask questions, get to know somebody.” He said the retreat can give people time to learn even basic details about one another, such as a last name.
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The point is not to follow a rule about how quickly a relationship should progress. It is to resist treating a date as a sprint toward sex or a quick judgment. Ask questions that help you understand the other person, listen to the answers, and let conversation reveal whether you want to spend more time together.
In a 2024 post, MN2S relayed Durell’s comment from a TheThings interview that “Presence is the biggest thing.” The same post quotes him describing modern dating as “Everything is so fast foodish; it’s just swipe, swipe, swipe.” Because the available quotation comes through MN2S’s PR post, it is best understood as MN2S’s account of the interview.
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Know your own boundaries before you try to communicate them
Durell connects intimacy with self-awareness: understanding what draws you in, what makes you uncomfortable, and where you are flexible. In the My Imperfect Life interview, he said one important lesson from observing his workshops was “how important it is to know yourself a little bit and know what pushes you or what doesn’t push you, to be aware of things that might make you uncomfortable.”
That can begin with a private check-in before or after a date. Consider what you want, what you do not want, and what you still need time to decide. You do not have to arrive with every answer settled; noticing discomfort or uncertainty is useful information, not a failure to be open.
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Vulnerability and emotional support on reality TV
Durell told Glamour that, in his experience working with contestants, a common challenge is emotional vulnerability: identifying what they feel and expressing it. That is his observation about people on the show, not a general research finding about dating or relationships.
He also told My Imperfect Life that people appearing on dating reality television need a strong support community, including friends, family, and a therapist, as they prepare for public scrutiny afterward. This is Durell’s advice and account, not an independent assessment of Netflix’s mental-health provisions.
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A simple breathwork prompt he has suggested
Glamour reported that Durell suggested couples first practice breathwork individually. One prompt he offered: set three or four phone alarms at random times, then take ten deep breaths when an alarm sounds. The aim is to make a brief pause and bring attention back to the present.
This is an interview suggestion, not a treatment or a method shown in the cited coverage to have clinical effectiveness. Couples can treat it as an optional experiment and skip it if it feels uncomfortable.
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What his advice can—and cannot—establish
Durell’s interviews offer practical themes: slow the pace, be present, learn about a date, notice personal boundaries, and make room for honest emotion. The cited coverage does not provide a named study, outcome statistic, or evidence that his workshop exercises are clinically validated. His work on a reality show should therefore be understood as coaching and workshop facilitation, not a substitute for professional therapy.
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